Stronger
by CaptainBellarkeSwan
Summary: She comes to him at night and it always ends up with both of them satisfied. But it also ends up with Killian alone in his cabin with no signs of last night. Not tonight. (Somewhat sequel to My Love Is A Weapon but can be read alone)


**This is something like a sequel to my other one-shot "My Love Is A Weapon" but this can be read as a one-shot without reading that other one-shot just as you can read that without reading this. :D**

 **Inspired by "Stronger" by Arty feat. Ray Dalton**

 **Warning. This is just as dark as the prequel. You have been warned. Enjoy!**

* * *

He was in the middle of the street, the cold harsh wind blowing against his flapping leather jacket, the street lamp above him flickering until it fizzed out, the road empty and cold as his heart.

It was dark.

Suddenly the wind grew stronger and stronger he had to shield his eyes with his arms. Then it just stopped as if something was shielding him from the wind. When he opened his eyes, he wasn't alone anymore. Standing there was a woman with black hair whose face he knew so well.

Milah.

He didn't know what to feel. It was like his heart was happy to see his first love once again, yet he felt guilty as if he was doing something dishonorable. He was relieved and happy to be able to see her face once more. It also made him realize how it had been since the last time he properly thought about her. He realized how he even almost forgot their first kiss on the deck of his ship under the stars when she confessed her feelings to him.

Now she was standing in front of him, the sides of her eyes crinkling as she smiled at him. That smile that used to make his heart churn. That smile that used to make his heart jump out of his chest. That smile that used to make him smile. Suddenly, her eyes widened, her whole body lunged forward and she was standing right in front of him, her face pale and eyes wide in fear. Then blood started to trickle down her mouth as something came out of her chest. A hand.

He wanted to shout. He wanted to move. He wanted somehow save her. But he couldn't as if there were invisible chains on his body. All he could do was watch as her eyes stared at him, slowly losing life, as her body started to fade, showing the man behind her death.

Rumplestiltskin.

He could hear blood pumping in his ears as his heart burst in anger at the monster standing in front of him with a smirk on his ugly face. His outstretched hand covered in blood dripping on the concrete ground where Milah was standing moments ago.

It infuriated him how he was powerless to do anything to avenge Milah's death. By the hands of her own husband. Who would ever do such a thing? A monster. That was what he was. That was what he would ever be. A cowardly monster who would do anything, absolutely anything, just to get his way.

Suddenly, his hand grew heavy. He felt a long sheet of cold and hard. He didn't even have to look. He knew what it was. The dagger. All of a sudden he lifted his hand with the dagger. It wasn't him. It was as if his body had a mind of its own, moving his legs and arms. Then his hand lunged forward. The next second the ugly face of the Crocodile was mere inches from his face. His skin started to lose color returning to its usual color before turning pale and blue. His eyes slowly lost its darkness, slowly darkening. Then he felt something wet covering his hand. He looked down. Blood. The blood of the man who killed his first love was dripping from his body with the dagger buried deep in his stomach.

Victorious. He felt victorious. Finally, he had avenged Milah's death. When he lifted his head, vertigo hit him, swirling the place around him, making the Crocodile's pale face swim around his mind in a blurry haze. In the dark dizziness of his mind, something glowed. Something bright. Something yellow. When his vision cleared, his body froze, his stomach dropped, his lips trembled, his heart almost stopped in his chest in fear. His heart was beating loudly in his ears.

Emma.

Her beautiful face was covered in blood as it dripped down from her soft lips. Her eyes stared back at him in a blank stare as tears of blood rolled down her blood stained cheeks. Her golden hair was stained with the dark color of blood.

No... Emma...

No...

No!

Killian sat up straight in his bed, sweat dripping down his face and chest. He squinted at the sun shining down on his face from the small window of his he remembered something. He immediately looked at the bed beside him.

Of course. She was gone. She never stayed anyway so why was he always checking his side in the morning when he already knew it would be empty?

He ran his hand through his hair as he laid back down with a groan, his heart racing with his dream. It had been the same dream he had two days ago and the week before. Him killing the Dark One in the form of Emma Swan. And her visits didn't help one bit when the nightmares seemed to be clearer when she was sleeping beside him.

Her visits. He didn't even understand why she would come to him. It was always the same. She would come and somehow it would always end up with him in his empty bed with vague memories of the night before but his body humming in pleasure. And, gods, he hated himself because he had promised himself that it would be special when he had her.

The phone on the bedside table vibrated signaling a message most probably from David. Killian pushed back the blankets and walked out of his cabin ignoring the message which surely consisted of something about going back to researching and breakfast at Granny's. He wasn't in the mood for any of that. In fact, he wasn't in the mood for anything outside the Jolly Roger.

He needed to be alone for now so he went up the deck and started preparing the ship, tying knots here and there. He anchored the ship somewhere far from the coast of Storybrooke but close enough to still be seen. Or else David and Mary Margaret would drag him back to sleep inside the same house she once had been living in. With a sigh, he leaned against the railing, looking out into the sea, his mind nowhere else but a certain blonde woman.

"Emma!"

He woke up, his body covered in sweat as his chest pounded loudly. He had the same dream. The Crocodile then Emma in his arms, covered in blood. He also had the same sight in the morning. An empty bed that had grown cold.

He stood up walking out to the deck once more, knowing that David could handle the matters without him. They were getting no answers either way. He finished his second bottle of rum, savoring the was the liquid burned down his throat. Wanting more, he opened another bottle and took in a hearty gulp.

He knew he should stop. It wasn't helping. It was actually making things worse as more images of her flashed in his mind, but the burning sensation helped numb the stinging in his eyes and the ache in his heart. And it was better than getting both of those to slowly kill him.

But he also knew one more thing.

This should stop. Her visits. It should stop. As much as he wanted to see her writhing below him, as much as he wanted to hear her soft lips make those lovely noises, as much as he wanted to feel her hot and wet for him, he knew it should stop. The darkness was starting to come back to him. He could feel it because once he would have marveled at the sight of the sea, but now it all paled like it could feel the darkness lurking in the shadows.

It should stop.

She came as expected.

This time she wasted no time. She almost ripped off his clothes as she stood before him naked with the blink of an eye. Her touch was no caress as she brought down her nails, scratching down his torso. Yet it sent sparks down south. Her movements were hard, fast, needy, almost passionate, if Killian could call it that. He almost didn't feel anything but her slipping around him as she moved her hips above him. She was pushing him hard over the edge and he knew it should stop, but, gods, it was so good, so, so good. When they both exploded into hot white fireworks, they fell into a tangle of limbs, bodies covered in sweat, chests heaving in breaths.

He could feel the sleep creeping into his eyes. On most nights, he would immediately sleep as if she was lulling him into sleep with her magic, but not tonight. He fought hard to keep his eyes open as he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her in, her back to his chest. His eyes were drooping low, but he focused hard on the feel of her soft skin, on her scent, focusing his mind hard mentally screaming at her to stay.

"You're not going to sleep." It was more of a question than a statement, but Killian was thankful for it because it was enough to pull him out of the haze. He stooped his head and placed a soft kiss on her back to which she sighed as her body relaxed against him.

Silence stretched between them. He wanted to say it but somehow he couldn't bring himself to just say it. He bit his lip hard until he tasted blood and he pushed himself.

"Why are you here?" He didn't mean for it to sound cold, but it did. If she heard his tone, then she was doing a good job of being unaffected by it.

For a moment, he thought she was going to ignore him for much longer, but she started to move turning around in his arms. His blue eyes met her dark green ones. He could say it was because of the lighting, but no, of course not. She was looking at her with a look Killian didn't understand. Then her hand shot out curling around his hair at his nape.

"This. I'm here for you." she said, her voice almost sincere, yet the underlying tone of another voice gave it all away.

Without warning, she crashed her lips to his in a scorching hot kiss, biting on his lower lip and swiping her tongue into his mouth. She was kissing her so hard that his head was spinning and he was on the edge of falling. Much more when she moved to straddle his lap, grinding down against his growing member. He could fall so hard and just enjoy the night for one more time. But that thought made it easier for him to resist.

"No... Emma, no!"

She growled in annoyance and pushed her lips harder, thrusting her tongue deeper into his mouth, moving her fingers against his chest traveling south. He squeezed his eyes tight as his mind roared in pleasure to give in yet her heart ached in sadness at his Swan. He felt her hand around him, a moan escaping his lips at the contact. It should have gave him the chance to jump on her and just give into her spell, but not tonight. It sent images flashing in his mind, images of his Emma Swan, of radiant smiles and bright piercing eyes. And he pushed her away rolling them over and pinning her arms over her head.

"Emma!"

She licked her smirking bottom lip, giving him a dark look through her lashes. "Mm, is this what you want, Killian? Tell me this is what you want. Tell me and I'll give it to you." she said, her voice hoarse and throaty in an attractive way that sent sparks down to his hips. He would have given in if they were in any other circumstance, but not in this.

He gripped her wrists tightly and looked at her straight in the eye. "What do you want, Emma?" he asked, his voice laced with anger and frustration and a little bit of desperation.

She suddenly stopped moving below him as she traed at him with a glare. Then he watched as the darkness on her eyes faded back into the bright green eyes he loved as if she was finally coming through the haze. She blinked a several times and when Killian could see the water shining in her eyes, he rolled onto his back pulling her close to him in a tight embrace.

He heard the first sounds of her tears echo in his now too big of a cabin. All he could do was hold her tight and just be by her side and soothe her heart. He didn't say anything. He just let his actions do all the talking until her sobs died down and she was drawing small lazy circles on his chest, heaving a sigh every now and then as if she was dropping all the weight on her shoulders one by one.

"Killian..."

"Emma..."

"I'm sorry..."

Killian pursed his lips. "It's not your fault."

He could see half of her face but it was enough to see the hurt and pain sketched across her face as the tears on her cheeks dried up. "I know, that makes it worse-"

"Knowing that the darkness can control you so easily." he finished her sentence. He knew what she felt. He knew that the darkness is a formidable enemy.

Now she was looking straight at him with those big green eyes like she couldn't believe he was actually there. They held gazes for minutes, hours, until she buried her nose into his neck, breathing in deep.

"I don't know what to do, Killian..." Her voice sounded so small and weak, his heart ached and tears stung his eyes, but he needed to be strong for her.

"Do what you do best - saving people. Save yourself, Emma. Fight it. You're strong. I've seen you fight monsters, giants, dragons. You've even stood up against the Dark One himself. Don't lose hope, Emma. Fight it." he said, the words slipping out of his mouth effortlessly.

He felt the wetness on his neck and he held her tighter, drawing circles on her back. Her sobs echoing in his ears as a tear escaped his eye. "H-help me be s-stronger, Killian. I-I want to be stronger l-like you..."

Her words hit him so hard. His heart exploded inside his chest in a feeling he could not explain. His father left them because 'this little stupid boy' ruined this family by killing of his mother in labor. His brother died because he flailed himself at the first thing he can lay hands on without even knowing what he was getting into. Milah died because he shouldn't have taken in a man's wife in the first place. He became a villain because he was so weak, Killian Jones was so weak so he chose to become stronger by going into the deep depths of darkness. And she thought he was strong? After all he had done, he was not strong at all. If he was strong, he would have been able to do everything right and Liam would still be here, Milah too.

He gave out a sad laugh. "Don't be like me, Swan. I am nothing but strong. You have people around you, Emma. People who care about you. Think about them. Hold on to them. Keep them close to your heart and you'll get through it. You'll get through everything."

He shivered at the sigh she let out against his neck as snuggled deeper into his chest. Her steady breaths started to make his eyelids heavy and soon he could feel himself drifting on and off as if he was checking on her, checking if she was still there, not wanting her to go away. But not long after, it was too difficult to keep his mind afloat and all he could do was give in to sleep as he closed his eyes with his arms wrapped tightly around Emma, wanting to never let go, her words floating in his mind.

 _Maybe that's why I'm here._

* * *

Morning came and the first thing Killian thought of was...

Emma.

Preparing himself to be disappointed, he turned his head only to find green eyes staring back at him. He blinked several times to check that he wasn't hallucinating. His surprise was soon confirmed when she gave him a small smile.

"Good morning." she greeted him, her voice soft like the morning air.

It took him a few seconds before he could respond. "Good morning, love."

It almost felt normal. Too normal. As if there was nothing going on. As if she wasn't the Dark One and he wasn't grieving. He reached for her, cupping her cheek with one hand, lightly stroking with his thumb, reveling in the feel of her skin under his fingertips, and he suddenly wished he had both of his hands instead. His fingers traveled to paint the curve of her eyebrows, the line of her pointed nose, the edges of her flushing cheeks, the lines of her soft lips. Because how beautiful, just how beautiful she was.

"I have to go..." she whispered. They were so close he could feel her breath on his lips.

"I know." he said, giving her a sad smile because she didn't really have to go, did she?

She bit her lip and stopped his hand, interlacing their fingers as her other hand cupped his cheek in a soft caress. "You know, I have to."

"Why?"

His question brought tears stinging her eyes, and she traced the lines and curves of his faces like he did. "Because I love you." She stopped and started to untangle herself from him.

He didn't know what she meant, but his heart told him it that it wasn't something he would like to know. His hand shot out to grab her wrist in a tigth hold. He must look so desperate and weak. "No, no, Emma. Don't do this. Don't go." His voice cracked at the last words as the first of the tears started to escape his eyes.

Her eyes softened into sadness as she gave him another sad smile and stroked his cheek in an almost comforting matter. She looked into his eyes. He didn't understand, but he could feel himself floating into those bright green orbs and he almost forgot that she wasn't just Emma anymore. For a moment, her eyes suddenly darkened and they cleared once more. It was coming back. He knew it was starting to come back.

"Will you come back?" he asked, his voice sounding afraid and fragile even with his intimidating exterior.

"Maybe." she simply said.

She leaned closer and placed a soft kiss on his forehead. A kiss that felt like it lasted for so long. A kiss that broke his heart. A kiss that fixed him once more. With that, she pulled back and gave him a small smile.

"Thank you, Killian."

The look she gave him was different. Somehow she looked more radiant and more beautiful than he had ever seen her. He could see his Swan, his beautiful strong Swan. Then she was gone.

He found himself alone inside his cabin once again. But now, he felt different. Closing his eyes, his fingers traveled to his lips in an attempt to feel her touch once again. The time for brooding and mourning had come to an end. Now he also knew what he was going to do. Now it was time for work.

 _Thank you, Emma._

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 **Hope you enjoyed it? Well, I hope you liked it. Reviews? :)**


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